Did you know that most of the things we do in our day to day life have nothing to do with what we will cherish in the end? I mean, think about it. When you look back, you might realize the legacy you created isn’t the one you intended to leave. You see, many people unfortunately keep their passions & purpose their best kept secret…and then time runs out.
Our Legacy to Our Loved Ones is Our Daily Actions
Now, I want you to press pause for moment. Right here and now, if this second was your final breath, would you be 100% fulfilled with the example you’ve set for your children and other loved ones? If they took your example and replicated in their lives, would they live the life you hope for them? If the answer is anything other than an immediate and truthful YES, we need to switch things up a bit.
And trust me, there’s no blame or shame. Just you and I, having this honest conversation about where the opportunity for more of what’s truly inside of you to emerge.
You know that happiness, joy, self-love, confidence, inner peace, spontaneity that’s inside of you but has been stuck underneath layers of limiting stories and hidden behind cobwebs of self-doubt & overwhelm? It’s waiting for the permission from you to rise up.
So, envision your eulogy for a moment…What do you want your children to say about you? And are you [answer honestly], in alignment to receive that?
If not, this awareness is truly a gift.
You see, at any moment, you can create a 10-degree shift that, when performed consistently, can lead to massive & compounding transformation (think 10 x 10 x 10 x 10, not 10 + 10 + 10 + 10).
Shift #1: How We Spend Time & Money
- Write down your top 3 values. Are you living according to them? A no-fail answer to this question can be found in 2 S’s: your schedule and your spending.
- Look at your schedule. Is your schedule bursting with to-do’s (the things that truly won’t matter in the end) or to-be’s (the beautiful things that create compounding growth, earn you that loving eulogy and create cherished memories that will live in your children’s’ hearts long past your time on earth)?
- Look at your spending. When you look at your credit card or bank account charges, are you investing in things that create debt, distractions or short-term gratification (aka things that create clutter in your mind)? Or are you investing in personal growth + experiences that nourish the soul & serve your top 3 values?
The Difference Between Values and Priorities
There’s a difference between values and priorities. You see, values are how you’d like to spend your time and priorities are how you are actually spending your time. Overwhelm stems from our values and priorities being misaligned. They need to be one.
For many moms, values remain a “one day” wish and the priorities continue to run the show. “I’ll start to _______ (value) once the _______________ (priority) gets done.”
The Mom-Trap to Avoid
And trying the newest self-help technique you see in your Facebook feed isn’t the answer. Not if you want true change that lasts. The change I know you want. Truthfully, the biggest trap I see is moms getting caught in is learning more and more self-help tools using a spaghetti technique (throwing it up at the ceiling and seeing if it sticks), adding more and more knowledge without consistent follow through.
And you know what happens? Nothing. Why? Because they put things on top of things, never removing barriers or leaving behind behaviors that no longer serve them.
Relief Isn’t Happiness
“What % of your life are you living?” Out of 100%, what % of your life are you intentionally living on purpose? And then what % of your life is simply knee-jerk reactions where you are being bounced from one to-do to another and putting out fires? If the answer to the 1st question is anything below 90%, that will set the conditions for relief, not happiness.
Relief isn’t happiness. Relief is the gap between yesterday’s bullshit and tomorrow’s rinse and repeat.
Here’s a very simplified formula for happiness, according to research: H = S + C + V
Happiness = 50% Set point + 10% external Circumstances + 40% Voluntary daily activities
External circumstances (C) account for your current circumstances- your house, your job, etc. You know, the things that are variables and can change in the blink of an eye.
And that 50% that has to do with birth temperament and the natural baseline– that’s written in sand, not stone. You actually have the power to change that through Coaching. In fact, my entire Course-Correct Coaching Program is dedicated to transforming all of that.
The voluntary activities (V) are these tipping points we are talking about. They are your conscious choices every day-those tiny habits, that when done daily, create compounding & massive upleveling in your life.
Many moms unknowingly short-circuit the joy that’s possible for them by trying to get their deepest needs fulfilled through waiting on external circumstances to change versus creating those 10-degree tipping points in their day to day life.
Shift #2: The 6-12-24 Rule
Before you spend money or time, ask if it will nurture or prune your top 3 values in 6, 12 and 24 months. You might be surprised at the answer. You just might see many of things you say yes to financially and time-wise are actually pruning the top 3 things that are most important to you. When you practice this, you are literally breaking habits and reprograming your mindset not only for yourself, but generations to come.
And when you reprogram your mindset, you rewrite your future.
What you will find is that when you look at things from a 30,000-foot view at how this time and monetary choice will impact you 6, 12 and 24 months later you will gain clarity and balance. You see, the moment is your map.
Never underestimate the power of one choice. One new choice has the power of setting in motion the transformation your soul requires.
Envision the ripple effect of a stone thrown in a body of water. The body of water is your life and each choice is a rock. Each choice will produce a ripple effect-the question is what. The desired what is result the 6-12-24 will help you create.
Shift #3: The Importance-Urgency Matrix
Meet the urgency-importance matrix. This is your secret weapon that will help you restructure your day to day activities to re-align it back to what’s truly important to you. You deserve that life. And it’s time.
What do all these quadrants mean? Ok, here’s the breakdown:
Q1: Important AND Urgent: These are your deadlines and crises that you just need to handle. These are things you just gotta get done. Plain and simple.
Q2: Important NOT Urgent: These are things that make you tick. This is what your soul requires. Your passion. Your purpose. All the things that give your life meaning, live in Q2. The amount of time you spend in Q2 dictates your quality of life. Let me say that again. The more time you spend in Q2, the happier you will be. The most effective and happy people spend 80% of their time here. This is something you proactively schedule. You MAKE it a priority.
Q3: NOT Important AND Urgent: Here is the deceptive quadrant. Q3 is OTHER’S quality of life sometimes at your expense. Now if you are a natural giver like me spending less time here can feel a little squirmish but I will help move past that discomfort. This is the quadrant that traps you into being busy but NOT productive. This where the word NO comes in handy (“say yes to the person, but no to that task” is your best friend here). Here you want to delegate as much as possible. And if you absolutely cannot delegate, cluster it. In other words, set aside a block of time only dedicated to that task so it doesn’t take over like weeds in a garden.
Q4: NOT Important NOT Urgent: Eek, here’s the time-waster quadrant. This is the quadrant where most people escape to when they are spending too much time in Q1 and Q3. Now I don’t expect you to break up with Facebook and Netflix, but you certainly want to mindfully limit it. If you reduce time here, I promise it will free more time up for you to spend more time in Q2.
How to use this:
- Screenshot this importance-urgency matrix
- Before you add anything to your schedule, note which quadrant it is (and be honest)
- Decide whether it needs to be done, ditched or delegated
- Rinse and repeat
It takes about 2 weeks to create a new habit. After doing these (3) shifts for 2 weeks, you will create the tipping point needed for your mindset to reprogram and this way of thinking will become your new normal. From my heart to yours, I hope these tips have served you.
With So Much Love & Gratitude,