Boundaries are not barriers to love, they are the pre-requisite to it completely unfolding in your life.
Is Linda Failing as a Wife & Mother?
A few days ago I got a call from someone who is a mother of four. Let’s call her Linda for now. Linda wanted to pour her feelings out but started out by asking me
“Am I a horrible mother & wife if I just need my own space? I feel like I am jumping out of my skin.”
Let me tell you, she is not— and nor are you.
As humans we require our personal space to perform better. Boundaries are the foundation for fulfilling relationships-whether parent-child, romantic, friendship or career. Boundaries are our self-love and values in action. They are what we require in order to live a life that is truly authentic to our self and well-being.
When many of us think of boundaries, we have at some point believed that it was synonymous with holding back. Or something we needed to earn or receive permission for.
I know I did.
15 years ago. But I can still remember it like it was yesterday.
So when Linda asked me if she is failing at motherhood and in marriage, I knew what she was feeling. She required her own personal space to function properly.
I could relate to Linda because I have done the same things by saying “yes” to things that didn’t serve me because I looking for approval and acceptance.
I was starving for love that came at the cost of my own boundaries and as a result, I was losing touch with who I was as a woman.
If this is speaking to you, I am here to tell you…it’s not your fault.
But it is your responsibility to shift it. You deserve this shift in your life— and I’m going to be your companion through it.
If you’re thinking “Crystal, I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember…how am I going to transform my life now?
In my Course-Correct Coaching Program, I will show you. I make sure that I help my clients create the blueprint for the life they truly want.
If you want to take one step ahead in life, I’ll help you take two.
When things feel hard in life, it is commonly the case that a boundary that your soul needs to be etched in stone is instead being written in sand… One wave, and it’s gone.
Boundaries in my life that are etched in stone are my connection with my spirituality and self. That is my core.
For me, I truly love & cherish my daughter and husband tremendously.
But I am a “me” before a mom and a “woman” before a wife.
I don’t ask for permission when it comes to my boundaries, I simply give notice from a place of ease, love and clarity.
That is how I love without bounds and still maintain my boundaries. With my boundaries, I give in a way that replenishes my soul, not depletes it.
If we don’t fully show up as our true, aligned selves in our relationships with others, it creates an illusion of self-lack and therefore breeds perceived expectation that the other will fill in the rest.
Two halves don’t make whole in relationships-whether in parental love, romantic experiences, friendships or even in a career-they make two halves.
My (2) no-fail techniques to create personal boundaries that nourish my soul and my relationships
- Before I make a decision, I run it through various moods and ask,
“If I am feeling excited and happy, will this “yes” still feel right?”
“If I am feeling tired, will this “yes” still feel right?”
“If I am feeling stressed, will this “yes” still feel right?”
“If I am feeling calm, will this “yes” still feel right?”
When you ask yourself the above, your body will answer you.
You just have to listen and notice.
A truly aligned decision will feel right in all moods-maybe not comfortable, but right. You won’t need reasons, you’ll just know.
Here’s the problem
Many women were brought up to believe we had to give our all- and that our all…meant enough. And therefore, if we didn’t give our all, it was not enough.
But not for me.
2. I don’t give my all in situations. Instead, I ask my soul, “What does the task at hand require in order for me to inspire, guide and teach?”
I then pause and allow the answer to rise up. And that is what I give.
I trust that it’s enough.
And it always is.
The Law of Diminishing Return
Many of you may know the Law of Diminishing Return. Yet many of us have been raised to believe its opposite and live a life that surely confirms it.
The Law of Diminishing Return exemplifies there’s a tipping point in any given situation where the more and more we give…the less and less helpful it becomes. Rather it becomes toxic.
But ladies, let me tell you one thing. Speaking from my own experience, when we aren’t nurturing and maintaining our boundaries, things in our life will start to feel overwhelming. And if that happens to you, you’ll know that something needs to be changed… IMMEDIATELY.
And that something is your constant need to give it your all.
Life doesn’t need force and bustle. It needs pause, alignment and emergence.
The pause allows us to notice when a boundary needs to be re-instated, the alignment allows us to lead a life that honors our boundaries while emergence allows more of our raw, beautiful truth to guide us.
“Every woman who has figured out her true worth has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom by landing on the valley of change” – Shannon L Alder
Let yourself pause and create a realistic boundary for yourself. Very soon, you’ll realize that silence is not devoid of answers, it’s full of them.
My Biggest Values
- Being fully present for my loved ones and clients
- Living a life of ease, balance, joy, and clarity
- Inspiring others through my authenticity
These are the values that are etched in the stone of my life. These values are my bedtime, working out, meditation, eating healthy, and delegating & automating business tasks that are outside of my “zone of genius”.
That means saying no when something doesn’t feel right, and saying yes when I know it’s time to blossom pass my comfort zone.
With that being said, let me help you take the first step to create a life for yourself that you deserve. Recognize your worth. If you don’t, who else will?
With So Much Love & Gratitude,